


Leaping Makes Strange Bedfellows

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Series: The Mirror Universe [1]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 18:00:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: First of a series of 4 stories.  Sam leaps into a gay man in 1984, and as usual it's a real eye opener... especially where Al is concerned!





	Leaping Makes Strange Bedfellows

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 1992. Originally published in the zine Quantum Fire #6

 

January 31, 1984:

 

The kitchen Sam Beckett found himself in when the leap faded was fairly large. Bright yellow predominated the scene, from the wildly growing patterns on the curtains to the various scattered throw rugs. It was a friendly place, warm and inviting.

He, or rather the person he'd replaced, was in the middle of putting away groceries from several bags on the table. A can of soup was suspended in the air in one hand, halfway on its way into the cabinet above. He continued the task of putting away the rest of the cans he found, while his mind pondered its usual questions.

Movement at the other end of the room caught his attention. He wasn't alone. A young man was closing the refrigerator door.

"Did you remember to get milk, Todd?" the man asked him.

 _Milk?_   "Uh...I think so." He peered into the bags.

Puzzle pieces were falling into place, and Sam relaxed slightly. This was his apartment, the man obviously his roommate. The leap-in had actually been one of the rare easy ones. The most difficult thing he had to deal with at the moment was pretending to know where everything went. He sighed in relief.

"I'm on my way to meet Jerry," his friend told him. "I shouldn't be more than an hour." As the guy breezed past on his way to the door, his hand closed around Sam's arm for just an instant, lips closing briefly on his in a kiss.

At the sound of the closing door, Sam overcame the paralysis that had descended on him moments ago. He grimaced, the implications only too clear. "Oh boy."

 

QLQLQL

 

This was bound to happen sooner or later. I'd leaped into a gay man at a military academy; without a doubt dealt with countless unknown others that are woven into the pattern of society, invisible to all but the most trained eye. This time I knew for sure. Unfortunately for me the man in question, Todd Barnes according to his I.D., had a live-in lover. This leap was, as Al would say, going to be messy.

Speaking of Al, where the hell was he?! I'd put away the groceries, investigated my wallet, and was more than ready to find out why I was there and leap out--quick. Like before bedtime. With my luck, Ziggy would be slow with answers on this one. And probably on purpose.

I was on my way into the living room for further snooping when I heard the Imaging Chamber door. Moments later, Al appeared, decked out with his usual flamboyant flair. I had to smile speculatively. In this year, 1984, he'd probably be a big hit with these guys.

"About time you got here," I told him.

One eyebrow raised, and he looked around him. "You'd think you leaped into the middle of something more important than putting away groceries. I got here quick and you know it."

"You're on a roll--tell me why I'm here."

"What is it with you? What is it about this leap that you're so anxious to get out?"

I ignored him, wandering around the room. It was neat and clean, but had a homey lived-in feel. There were paintings on the walls, dark mysterious forests and blazingly dramatic ocean sunsets. Red drapes hung from the windows, offset by a beige rug. One wall sported a decent entertainment center. Video tapes lined the shelves. All in all, the couple seemed very well off.

"Why am I here, Al?" I repeated, turning to him again.

"What am I, psychic? We don't know yet, you just got here." He turned his attention to the handlink. "Your name is Todd Barnes, you're thirty-three years old, and you're living in Providence, Rhode Island."

"With my male lover," I supplied helpfully, watching in amusement as his head snapped up so fast, I thought he might get whiplash.

"Your--oh boy." He looked down at the link again. "His name is Adam--" he closed his eyes and made a face. "--Cox."

"What?" I squeaked, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, which was probably how Adam felt.

"Oh--" he chuckled and smacked the link. "It's Wilcox."

"Bad enough."

"He's a fairly successful lawyer. You're a painter, you have a show right now, at one of the local galleries."

"No..." I moaned, taking a closer look at the paintings on the wall. Sure enough, the signature was Barnes. "Al, I need to know what I'm here to do, fast." For a rapidly increasing number of reasons.

He looked around. "Where's Adam?"

"He went out to meet some guy named Jerry. He's due back soon."

"I hear ya. I'll go see what I can find out."

"Hurry."

"Okay, okay, keep your pants on." He gave me a wink that said his pun was intended.

"It's not funny, Al!" I yelled to his retreating figure.

 

QLQLQL

 

After Al left, I roamed around the apartment. The first room I investigated was filled with art supplies. A half-finished painting sat on the easel.

I looked up to the ceiling. "You better not have any big plans for me to finish this guy's painting for him, because this time you're in for a major disappointment."

The next room was a bedroom. 'Our' bedroom, I corrected gloomily. The paintings which hung on the wall here were embarrassingly erotic pieces, featuring Adam. Todd had a lot of talent. There was even one with the two of them doing...well, you can guess what they were doing. It managed to be erotic and romantic at the same time, and even I found myself being captivated by it.

"You know, there are limits to what a person can do..."

I didn't expect an answer. After all, I'd been sent to break Mach 3, do a triple on the trapeze when I was afraid of heights, give birth...why shouldn't I now be called on to finish a painting or sleep with another man? As much as I wanted to believe, I couldn't be sure I'd leap out before either of those things happened. I wasn't sure yet how I felt about that, but I knew I didn't want to think about it before I absolutely had to, either.

The last room was a guest room. I checked the closets, finding them depressingly empty. Which brought me back to the living room again. As I sat down on the couch to ponder my predicament, the door burst open.

"I'm back!" Adam's cheerful voice announced.

"Wonderful," I said with a tight smile. It wasn't that I was prejudice mind you, but being open minded and letting another man...were two different things.

"Great news Todd, Jerry had that movie we've been dying to see," he told me, dropping a bag of popcorn in my lap. "What do you want to drink, beer or soda?"

"Beer," I said automatically.

The beer wasn't light, nor the popcorn microwave, but it was close enough that I began to relax a little--even if Adam did turn off the light and sit very close to me on the couch. Beer and a movie I could handle, and it would put off the inevitable for awhile.

Adam hit the play button on the remote and I settled back, wondering what the movie was. I had to admit, it wasn't often I got to relax and watch T.V. like this.

As soon as the movie started, I noticed something odd about it. For one thing, the opening credits seemed very amateur. As the cast list rolled over a backdrop of a steaming hot tub, I kept waiting to see a female name. The title of the movie--Hot Tub Hunks--confirmed my worst fears. It was an all-male porn flick. And I knew why couples watched dirty movies together.

"I uh, I'm sorry, but I'm really not in the mood for this type of movie tonight. Couldn't we just watch a western or something?" I begged.

Adam slipped his arm around me. "That's what this type of movie is for, silly, to get you in the mood. Give it a chance. Besides, you're the one who's been whining to see this one. We're just lucky Jerry got a hold of it, he thinks this is the only copy in existence."

"Lucky..." I repeated, staring into the popcorn.

There was a loose plot, but somewhat more than usual for skin flicks. Still, too soon for me the men were engaged in various acts together. I fought down a sense of panic as my hopes of feigning a headache or tiredness were dashed. Chances were Adam wouldn't be waiting until we went to bed, either.

As if hearing my thoughts, Adam's hand slipped onto my knee. I sat very still, valiantly trying to drum up a way out of my predicament. I certainly didn't feel any sexual attraction for this man.

At the sound of the Imaging Chamber door, I nearly yelled in relief. I had to settle for giving Al a pleading look for rescue. Not that there was much he could do.

"Hi, Sam. What's up--oh boy, I see." He looked even more uncomfortable than me, his eyes firmly down on the handlink.

I was about to announce a trip to the bathroom when Al spoke again.

"Well, I just came to report that we haven't found out anything yet. So I guess I'll be getting back," he finished hastily, bringing up the doorway.

I jumped up, with the intent of stopping his exit.

Al did stop, and I thought he got the message. He was staring at the screen intently. Then a look I couldn't place fell over him and he turned pale. "Uh--see you later, Sam." He practically ran through the door.

As I stood there in confusion, Adam looked up at me questioningly.

"I uh, was going to go to the bathroom," I mumbled.

I made the trip last as long as possible, hoping maybe Al would show again. Eventually I had no choice but to return to the couch. Staying in the bathroom all night, while appealing, wasn't possible. I was going to have to face my dilemma like a man.

Adam's hand was on my knee again the moment I sat down. I decided to grin and bear it, as long as he didn't get too friendly. If so, he was just going to have to accept that men get headache's too.

Wondering at Al's odd reaction, I stared at the T.V. with new interest. I knew he was uncomfortable with the situation, but the men weren't doing anything unexpected. The star was now with a new partner. They were in a shadowy bedroom, undressing each other.

The camera did one of its rare cuts to the man's face, and I almost dropped my bottle of beer in what I can only describe as complete, breath stopping, shock.

It was Al.

My mouth hung open as I leaned forward to be sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. He was younger, but it was unmistakably Al. If nothing else, I couldn't fail to recognize those eyes, glittering dangerously in the faint light. And that voice, silky and low as it murmured obscenely intimate words.

No wonder he'd left in such a hurry...

I abruptly realized I was staring intently, as my naked best friend was kissing another man. Embarrassment hit and I studied my beer, wondering what the hell I'd missed. Was there something he wasn't telling me? Al in a male porno movie--somehow, I didn't think I'd Swiss cheese that one.

My eyes drifted back to the screen of their own accord. I watched in perverse fascination as he lay back in the bed, letting the other guy suck him off. I could imagine Al in a lot of situations, but this definitely wasn't one of them.

The other guy moved away, and they cut to a close up of Al's erection, standing out from his body as he rose gracefully. The man lay down on his stomach. I knew what was coming next, but couldn't look away. I watched as Al fucked the body under him, hips moving in a more wicked version of the provocative rhythm which made him a hit on the dance floor. Until he finally, in the tradition of porn, pulled out so he could ejaculate for the camera.

So intent on the movie, I forgot all about my companion until a hand unexpectedly rubbed my groin. I jumped so badly I landed on my butt on the floor.

"Are you okay, Todd?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, I uh, I gotta go..." I scrambled to my feet and fled into the bathroom.

There were times when I especially hated being Swiss cheesed. I wished I knew what was going on with Al--with the leap--with me, as I firmly denied the slight tingle of something which could, if I'd wanted it to, be described as a thrill. The fact that it had nothing at all to do with Adam was only slightly reassuring.

I splashed cold water on my face and meekly left the room.

"You missed the best part," Adam complained as I returned. "What's gotten into you tonight, anyway?"

"I really don't feel very good." Maybe my frequent trips to the john--head--bathroom--were going to pay off. "I just want to go to bed--to sleep."

"What is it?" he was instantly on his feet next to me, feeling my forehead. "What's wrong?" His over concern reminded me of...

"Nothing much," I answered, removing the fussing hand. "Just a stomachache. Maybe I ate too much popcorn."

Al took that moment to pop in. "We gotta talk Sam, now."

He has a gift for understatement. "Uh..." I moaned, casting around for a new excuse. Finally I just covered my mouth and ran for the bathroom.

Once the door was closed soundly behind us, I turned to my friend. "Al, what the hell's going on? Do you know who was in that movie? Of course you know. That was you!"

He seemed uncomfortable. "Yeah. Look, it was a long time ago--"

"Is there something you haven't told me?" I interrupted, afraid I'd lose the nerve if I waited.

"Will you just listen?" he said impatiently. "I was really in the pits at the time, drinking heavy, one step away from destroying myself for good. You probably don't remember this, but when I drank I gambled, badly. I needed the money fast. So when I met this guy in a bar and he offered me the role, I took it."

"It was offered to you, just like that?"

Al shrugged in a gesture of modesty that wasn't like him. "He liked what he saw. Look, I barely remember much from that time. And I don't want to. The point it, you've got to destroy that video tape! I thought I got them all, but I guess I missed one. If the Navy found out--"

True, they wouldn't take it well, but I was sure his paranoia was unnecessary. If they hadn't found out about it yet in 1999, I doubted they ever would. Or maybe he just didn't like the idea of a gay porno movie with him as a star circulating out there.

I had to smile at his predicament. "You're a constant source of amazement, Al. Don't worry about the tape, I'll take care of it."

"Good."

There was a period of uncomfortable silence, which I broke bluntly. "Are you gay?"

"Jesus Christ! I told you, I needed the money. I figured...a hole's a hole..." he mumbled the last part, but I caught it anyway.

"That's crude, Al," I snapped.

"It's a piece of advice you may just end up repeating to yourself."

"I doubt it," I told him with certainty. "Did I know about all this?"

He smiled briefly. "Who do you think helped me find and burn all the video tapes?"

"Okay." My mind was still spinning, but there was a more pressing problem. "Back to the leap. What am I going to do about Adam?"

"Take it one day at a time. You've covered your ass for tonight, maybe we'll know something by morning."

"Dammit, Al!" I exclaimed, tired of his cheap puns. "I'm going to bed. You'd better have something for me in the morning."

"Good luck," he said, sounding contrite. But then he looked up at me, a devilish gleam in his eyes. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I made a futile lunge at him, as the Imaging Chamber doorway closed.

 

QLQLQL

 

It was a weird experience sharing a bed with another man. Oh, I'd done it before, with my brother on family trips, with Al when there was only one bed available for some reason or another. But not with a man who was used to sharing bodies as well.

I should have been grateful my luck was running. Adam was very considerate about my feeling sick, and didn't try to initiate anything. He did slip his arms around me though, and I felt I had to grant him at least that much. It wasn't his fault we kidnapped his lover and replaced him with a heterosexual.

He snuggled up close against my back and kissed my neck. "Good night, Todd."

It actually felt kind of nice. As long as I was secure in the knowledge there would be nothing more than a little affection, I could relax in the warm, caring presence. "Good night, Adam."

Typically, I found my mind was working too hard to let me sleep. I tried ignoring it, but it kept wandering back to Al and his movie. I wondered if I'd been as surprised the first time I heard about it. Not for the last time, I wished I could remember more about those pre-leap days.

I wanted to take Al's explanation of why he did it at face value, but I couldn't. Male/female, I could see. Okay, so he was desperate and drunk. But there was a major problem with that. Laying close to Adam, I knew without a doubt that nothing, no amount of fantasizing about busty blonds could get me through performing with a man unless I was sexually attracted to him. There was no way.

However true it was, I had a feeling Al never even asked himself any of those questions.

Which made me wonder if he was afraid of the answers.

 

QLQLQL

 

I woke up first and started breakfast, strawberry pancakes topped with wheat germ. Adam joined me shortly, and I had to endure a thankfully short good morning kiss. We talked briefly, mostly his head was buried in the morning paper. He'd asked if I was going to do any painting, I gave him half-answers and steered the topic to other things, like the weather.

Al popped in with an overly cheery greeting, and a typical comment about how yumola the food looked.

I glanced at Adam to be sure he was engrossed in the news, and lowered my voice as far as I could. "I'll make you some one day, If you'll tell me why I'm here."

"What?" Adam asked, barely glancing up from his paper.

"Just talking to the fruit," I answered, popping a strawberry into my mouth.

Al pointed his cigar at me. "A couple of more cracks like that and I'll leave you stranded playing Eve," he warned, then returned to business. "We've checked both your friends and associates, Adam's case files, so far, nothing. Uh, you--Adam--and Todd do break up five years from now. But we don't figure there's any way you're here to fix that," he added hastily.

"Good." Because I was definitely too early, and didn't intend on staying until the leap ripened.

"Did you say something?" Adam asked.

"I said the pancakes are good," I improvised, picking up the plate and starting over to the table with them.

"By the way Todd, you were sure dreaming up a storm last night. Who is Al?"

The plate dropped from my grasp and shattered on the floor. I quickly bent to pick up the mess, ignoring Al's inquiring look. I told myself there was no reason to be embarrassed. Just because Adam had misinterpreted what I was dreaming about and given Al the wrong impression... All I had to do was correct him later. Except, how did I answer Adam's question now?

"Uh--I don't remember it."

"Wasn't Al the name of your first lover?" Adam pressed.

"It's the guy in the movie!" I blurted.

He perked up with interest. "Which one?"

I sighed in defeat. "The last one Mr. Hot Tub took into his bedroom."

"Oh, him." Adam chuckled. "Can't say I blame you, darling. That guy really knew how to move his pelvis, if you know what I mean."

I got some satisfaction out of the fact that Al was now distracted, playing with the link to try and cover his embarrassment.

About time someone else was uncomfortable, I decided. "You can say that again."

Al almost dropped the link, as Adam sighed. "What talent. Like poetry in motion. He could do the bossa nova with me any time..."

I grinned.

"Did you have to encourage him?" Al grumbled.

After another suggestive sigh, Adam glanced at his watch. "Gotta run, I can't be late today."

I looked at the ruined food on the floor in dismay, then him. "I'm sorry about breakfast--" I began.

"S'okay, lover. I'll grab a McMuffin on the way. I love you for trying." Adam gave me a quick kiss and grabbed his briefcase. "See you later, I'll be home early."

I listened to the door close as I dumped the remains of the food into the garbage.

"Sleep well?" Al asked when we were alone.

"I was dreaming about a leap," I explained swiftly. "It was--" I couldn't tell him what it was really about, either. I was in a tight spot, calling for him to help, but he wasn't there. I figured he'd had a dream or several like that himself over the years. I didn't want him knowing I did too. "The usual, a hairy situation that I just managed to get out of by the skin of my teeth," I finished.

"Wanna talk about it?" Al offered, picking up on my distress in that intuitive way he has toward me that's very comforting, even if it does annoy the hell out of me at times.

I faced him. "Only if you tell me about some of yours."

He turned away. "I wish I had something on the leap for you, Sam." He was feeling bad anyway, damn him.

"It's okay," I said lightly, earning a careful gaze. "My boyfriend is gone for the whole day, and it's not as bad as a lot of the situations I end up in."

"What are you going to do about tonight?" Al asked.

"You're going to find out why I'm here by then."

"That's no guarantee you'll leap right away. Look Sam, I know you don't want to deal with it, but you might have to."

I wondered if he'd consulted with Beeks on this one. I wasn't too thrilled about the idea. "I know, I know, close my eyes and think of Marilyn Monroe, right?" I teased to ease the tension.

It didn't work. "It may not be that easy. You don't even know if...whether he pitches or catches." As uncomfortable as Al was, he was determined to be blunt, in his own euphemistic way.

"That doesn't matter," I told him.

"What do you mean, that doesn't matter?" he nearly shouted in agitation.

"It doesn't matter because I cannot sleep with someone I'm not sexually attracted to. Period."

"So you're going to put him off with an excuse again." Al seemed relieved.

"Which might strain the relationship if I'm here too much longer. That's why you have to work Ziggy harder, find out what I have to do to leap out."

"I'll do everything in my power, you know that."

"And do me a favor--don't discuss my sex problems with Beeks. I'm quite capable of handling it myself."

"That's a relief," he said with sincerity.

"Al," I stopped his exit. "Did you really think I would consider..."

"You're right. It was pretty silly of me to think that. I'll check in later."

But something about the tone of his voice as he said it, was off.

 

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After I cleaned up the kitchen, I realized I had time to kill. Bowing to the inevitable, I took myself into the art room and tried my hand at duplicating Todd's work. Several hours later I knew. I had the talent of an ant, compared to Todd. There was no way I could pass as him in the art world -- or the bedroom.

After that I amused myself with some modern art abstracts--in other words--a mess. Maybe I could bluff my way out if need be, by claiming I was changing my style.

It was nearly three already when I washed up and went into the living room. I wondered what else Todd did around the house during the day; considered checking in at the gallery, but I wasn't in the mood for any more play acting or fumbling.

As I sat down to explore my options, the doorbell rang. When it rains, it pours. I got up to answer it, hoping for nothing more trying than a kids selling girl scout cookies.

It was not a child, but an elderly women who was standing on the threshold. There was a suitcase at her feet. "Hello, Todd."

"Uh--hi." She had that motherly look about her, but she hadn't hugged me, so I suspected she was Adam's. Stalling for time, I grabbed her luggage and invited her in.

"Is Adam home?" she asked.

Seemed I was right about her identity. "No, he's at work, but he said he'd be home early."

She looked at her watch. "Oh, good, he should be coming in soon then. I hope he doesn't mind, I decided to pay a surprise visit."

"Of course not, he loves having you," I assured her as I wondered if she knew about us--them. "How long can you stay?"

"Only for two days. I'm on my way to Aunt Hildy's in Portland."

"It's cold up there," I said for want of conversation as we settled on the couch.

"Not much colder than Boston was, but a lot nicer."

I was saved from small talk by the door opening, as Adam breezed into the room, not noticing his Mom at first. "I'm home, darli--Mom!" he saved himself with a hasty greeting, flinging his arms around her.

So she didn't know about her little boy's sexual preferences? Which meant we were going to have to act like just roommates while she was there. I looked up and mouthed a thank you to the ceiling.

"Now nice to see you!" He pulled back and noticed her luggage. "How long can you stay?" he repeated my question.

I was sure only I recognized the trepidation on Adam's face. I smiled to myself.

"A few days," Mom answered.

"Great!" he exclaimed with a convincing amount of enthusiasm. He eyed me intently. "Has Darlene left?"

"Huh...oh, uh, yeah." As in darli. Boy this guy had a severe case of paranoia. It was actually a shame it had to be this way, that gay men had to be afraid of losing the love and respect of their families if they were honest about who they were. Whoever said parents love is unconditional? My parents were always there for me with support, but even I couldn't be sure of their reactions, had I ever walked in and announced I was in love with another man. Gay rights had come a long way in my time, but there was always one more mountain to climb.

"Didn't Todd offer you a glass of ice tea, mother? How rude of him." Adam practically dragged me into the kitchen.

Once behind the closed door, he busied himself taking out the pitcher and pouring a glass. The relaxed, smiling man was gone, replaced by a bundle of nervous energy.

"A surprise visit, just what we need. I told her a million times to call first. She doesn't understand why she can't just drop in anytime, like she did when I was living alone. Okay, you go out and keep her company, I'll put your stuff in the guest room. Looks like the couch for you tonight. I'm sorry." He gave me a peck on the cheek, handed me the glass and left the kitchen.

Great, just what I needed, to baby-sit mom. But it could be worse, I could've been the one delegated to the task of separating our clothes. It was difficult enough just figuring out what to wear in the morning. And it was definite -- I wouldn't have to worry about sleeping with Adam.

I was whistling as I came out into the living room.

 

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I made it through dinner, mostly because Mom did the majority of the talking. She cooked dinner too, which saved me the awkward fumbling of not knowing how we divided up those chores. Breakfast had been easy. I woke first, so I started cooking. I was realizing how little I did know. I'd been so preoccupied with fending off Adam's sexual advances, it hadn't hit me until now. There are such a great deal of minor intimacies involved when you're living and sharing your life with a lover, how was I to maintain a relationship when I knew so little about both men?

I offered to do the dishes, leaving mother and son to their own devices in the living room. I hummed as I worked, knowing I had nothing to dread with the coming of bedtime. As I'd hoped, Al chose that time to make his appearance.

"Hi, Al," I greeted cheerfully.

He looked at me suspiciously. "Hi. What's up--going on!"

I grinned at him. "Absolutely nothing."

His eyes narrowed. "Why are you suddenly in such a good mood?"

I decided to tease him. "You know how a little sex can do that."

"What??" he nearly choked on his cigar.

I stifled my laughter. "Only kidding. Actually, life is going just great. Mother Wilcox is here for a stay, and I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Oh," Al sighed in relief. "She doesn't know about them, I take it?"

I shook my head. "Did you find out why I'm here?"

He didn't answer, which was telling in itself.

I wiped my hands on the dishtowel and turned to him. "Al, check out the situation with his mother. He's really paranoid about her finding out he's gay. Maybe it has something to do with why I'm here."

"That's a good idea." Al brightened considerably. "Okay, will do. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

 

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The remainder of the night was spent watching T.V. Al popped in during the movie, but I didn't mind, it was boring anyway. I excused myself and went into the bathroom for a private conversation.

"Did I ever tell you I'm in therapy with Beeks?" Al asked abruptly, when I'd closed the door and sat down on the toilet lid.

"No," I said, concerned. "Why?"

"I've developed this phobia...I haven't been able to set foot in my bathroom in months. I had to have a porta-san installed in my apartment--" He'd had me going for a moment there.

"Al!"

"Okay. You were right, Ziggy says you're here to get Adam to confess to his mother."

I frowned. "You know how I feel about forcing someone out of the closet."

"Maybe you'll change your mind when you hear this. In two years, Adam's mother dies of a stroke. He always wanted to tell her he was gay, but he was afraid. Then it was too late, and he spent the rest of his life regretting it. His relationship with Todd ended, and he gave up caring about his life. Started dabbling in drugs, one night stands..."

"Don't tell me. He got AIDS and died." It wasn't hard to guess, sadly, too common a scenario.

Al nodded. "In 1992. You have to get him to tell his mother."

"What if she does reject him?" I argued.

"Maybe it doesn't matter. Ziggy says there's an 80% chance he'll be strong enough to face that. It seems they were pretty close before he moved in with you."

"Todd," I corrected.

"Todd. It's the being dishonest with her that's tearing him up inside. If she does reject him, which Ziggy gives a 69%, that'll be her doing, not his. He'll be able to live with his decision."

"Okay, I'll try and talk to him." I paused at the door. "69%, Al?"

He held up the link for me to see for myself and shrugged.

"Ziggy's got your sense of humor," I told him.

"You created him," was Al's comeback before he vanished.

 

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The couch was lumpy and too small, almost making me wish I was in the bedroom with Adam. I tossed and turned for awhile, finally going into the kitchen for something to drink.

I was taking out a carton of milk when Adam slipped quietly into the room.

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked amiably, setting the milk down on the counter.

He didn't answer--not in words, anyway. In the darkness, I couldn't make out what he was doing. Before I knew what was happening, he was on his knees in front of me and had my pajama bottoms down. I'd never seen anyone work that fast.

I opened my mouth to protest, but it came out a gasp as his mouth took me. Shock froze my body for a minute as the realization of what was happening infused my startled brain. When I was able to think again, I realized one thing. I might have been wrong. In the dark, a mouth was indeed a mouth. And it was doing expertly pleasurable things to my cock. Things that hadn't been done to it in awhile. It was showing its appreciation enthusiastically, completely ignoring anything my brain might have to say--if it were able to form coherent thoughts.

I clamped my mouth shut tightly to stifle a yell as I came. My knees gave out, Adam caught me. He kissed me lightly on the mouth as I began to come out of my daze. Suddenly, I realized it was his turn.

I pushed his shoulders, sending him flailing for balance.

"What is it?" he hissed, barely avoiding landing on his butt.

The excuse now, came easy. "Look, you want to pretend we're just friends, fine. That was your decision. So don't expect me to sneak around like this in my own home. Goodnight, buddy." I walked into the living room with a haughty stride.

Ignoring him, I got back under the blanket. After a few minutes, I heard him shuffle back to his room. I didn't know if Todd had ever shown disapproval over the deception or not, but hopefully I'd given Adam something to think about.

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend nothing had just happened. For, far from fantasies of Marilyn, it had been the image of Mr. Hot Tub's last trick which filled my mind in those brief moments.

 

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There was a cold war going on at breakfast the next morning, but Mrs. Wilcox didn't seem to notice. She chattered on, oblivious. I was amazed at how much she found to talk about, especially with no help from anyone else.

My tactics for handling the leap suit me personally just fine. It was an uncomfortable feeling to be face to face with Adam in the broad light of day after what happened the night before. I was just as glad not to have to look at him.

It was Saturday, that meant a whole weekend stuck with them. Adam was trying to include both of us in a conversation about what we could do with the day, when I firmly announced I was going into the other room and work on my painting. What I didn't say spoke louder than what I did--don't expect me to be part of any 'family' outings when I'm not part of the family. Briefly, I wondered where I'd learned to be so good at playing bitchy.

The only thing I didn't like about the situation was the time to myself it gave me. Trapped alone with my own thoughts was almost as bad as being stuck with them. I wasn't having too much of a problem with the fellatio, I had nothing to worry about there. It was Al's movie which really disturbed me, the fact that I couldn't get it out of my head. I refused to contemplate why.

Being no artist, I wasn't too engrossed in my work to notice the door softly opening awhile later, or the presence that stood quietly behind me. I remained silent, waiting.

"What the hell is that?" Adam finally asked of my latest creation.

"I've decided to get out of that same old boring style and try something new." I felt hands settling onto my shoulders. "Don't touch me," I said in the same even tone. The hands left quickly. "Do you like it?" I asked.

Adam cleared his throat. "A new style. Great. In no time at all, I'll be supporting both of us."

"Maybe only one of us," I returned cryptically.

"Okay, what the hell's gotten into you?"

'I thought I made that perfectly clear." I let personal feelings take over, speaking as myself. I turned to face him. "In the future, gay couples will have the same rights as straight. But if everyone thought like you, we'd stay right where we are now, forever. Sometimes you have to fight for your rights--believe they're worth fighting for."

"What would you have me do?" he asked. "Announce to the world that I'm a faggot, living with another queer? I'd be out of a job for sure. You'd change your tune real quick if you found yourself in a one room shack--you've become quite accustomed to your luxuries."

I struggled to remain in character as Todd. I wasn't there to create a radical fairie, only to build a bridge between a mother and son. "You're right. But self respect is important, too. Which you'll never have unless you tell your mother about us."

"Why is it suddenly so important to you?"

I dredged up the proper mood from somewhere. It wasn't difficult, I knew how I'd feel if I was Todd. "I thought we were important." I rose to eye level, to gain leverage in the argument. Somehow, instead of dazzling him with infallible logic as I'd intended, I found myself pulling from deep emotions I knew instinctively must be Todd's. "But keeping your secret means more to you than our relationship does. Choosing between her and me, I lose. I don't have a place in your life, I see that now."

"That's not true!" Adam insisted, trying to grab my shoulders.

I dodged out of the way. "Isn't it? I thought this was my home too, but it's not. I'm just a roommate."

"Only for a couple of days-"

"I can take being nobody to you in the eyes of the rest of the world--but not in your eyes." My voice broke. "I need to know 'we' mean something to you. To see me, in your eyes."

"You know I love you..." Adam said helplessly.

"I can handle living two lives outside, but I don't want to do it in my own home." I started to leave the room.

"Todd--"

"There's nothing more to say." I walked out.

My performance was a convincing one, but where I'd found the inspiration was a mystery I had no desire to solve.

 

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The rest of the day wasn't pleasant. Now Adam was moping around the house, and his mother was beginning to notice something was wrong. I wished it wasn't the middle of winter, being cooped up with them, the spacious apartment was starting to feel like a bread box.

Adam parked himself in front of the T.V. and remained uncommunicative, even to his mother. She busied herself cleaning the place. All the curtains and throw rugs were now down in the laundry room, in the washer.

I retreated back into my work room. Sitting in a leather chair by the window, I stared out at the barren, white scenery. A book lay unopened on my lap. I had no idea if I'd ever read any gay fiction before, but Todd had an extensive collection in a large bookcase in the corner. I choose one that sounded interesting, called _Mirror of my Soul_ , figuring it would give me something to do while I waited to see if I'd gotten anywhere with Adam. If I could gather my nerve to open the cover...

"Looks cold out there," the voice of my holographic friend from the future intruded pleasantly on my solitude. Sometimes, I almost forgot he wasn't really there, was years away. His presence was that strong inside of me.

"Yeah," I said, shivering.

"Anything going on?"

I shrugged, smiling at him. "Not much right now."

"I uh--heard your talk with Adam," Al admitted. "Do you think you got through?"

"I don't know, but I don't want to push him too much."

"Maybe you could tell her yourself."

I shook my head. "If it's going to do him any good, he has to be the one to tell her."

"Yeah," Al agreed. "You know, Ruthie's parents were against her marrying a Gentile in the beginning. She wasn't about to let that stop her, though. So I can understand where they're coming from. A thing like religion can be almost as bad as gay in some families."

"What happened with Ruthie's parents?"

Al grinned. "Oh, I won them over with my irresistible charm."

I shook my head in amusement. There were some things I'd never understand. Al was such a terrific person, yet he managed to rack up divorce after divorce. I knew he was a trial for women to put up with though, and in a way I couldn't blame him. The scars Beth left went deep...and just when he finally took a chance and really opened up, he was deserted again, when Ruth died. If only he was the same kind of husband as he was friend. No woman in her right mind would have ever let him go.

I couldn't come up with anything else to say, so I resumed my study of the snow.

"What's the matter?" Al asked, picking up on my mood as usual.

I shrugged again. "I don't know, really. I guess I'm just tired of fixing up everybody else's love life when I don't have any of my own." I looked up into his caring face. "Just the usual. It's not fair, but yes it is because it's my fault stuff."

"You've got a friend," he said as if it was some small consolation.

That didn't even begin to cover it. As I looked a him I knew--as if there was ever any doubt--that he was so much more.

I smiled. "You're right. And one good friend is worth ten lovers." I couldn't help adding, "In your case, make it twenty."

Al grumbled in embarrassment. "Ah, jeez, if I knew you were going to get mushy on me, I wouldn't have tried to cheer you up."

I grinned indulgently. "Whatever you say, Al."

 

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Dinner was a miserable affair. After watching Adam pick at his food, his mother finally asked him what was wrong. Ironically, he used my excuse of not feeling well. The after dinner television watching ritual was done in sullen silence, and bedtime came early that night, for everyone.

Once again sleep was elusive, so I sat up reading the book I'd taken from the other room. It was a fanciful, romantic tale about a man of means who fell in love with a bright young pauper. So captivated was he by the boy, he took him in and helped fulfill his dream of becoming a painter, buying the supplies and bragging his work to everyone. He loved this kid so much, he'd do anything for him--including fix him up with the prettiest girl in the village. He devoted his life to the man he loved, making sure he had everything he ever needed or wanted. Never once revealing the depth of his feelings.

The story made me sad, and I decided I didn't want to know how it ended. I was just about to quit for the night when the bedroom door opened and Adam walked out into the living room.

He sat down on the chair opposite the couch. "We have to talk."

I nodded. Closing the book and putting it aside, I waited for him to begin.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said, Todd. I didn't know I was hurting you so much. You never said anything before."

"I didn't want you or your mother to get hurt," I said.

"I don't either. I'm afraid," he admitted.

I leaned forward. "But you want to tell her. I know lying to her is eating you up. Can't you see? You have to answer to yourself, first. Everyone else comes second, even her. If you get this off your chest, no matter what the outcome, I know you'll feel better about yourself."

"But will she feel better about me?"

"How does it make you feel not trusting your own mother?" By the look on his face, I knew I'd scored a hit. "Your fear tells me you're afraid she'll stop loving you if she knows."

"I do trust her!" Adam defended.

"Then prove it. Give her a chance. It may take her awhile to get used to the idea, but at least you'll have a clear conscience. If you're ashamed of yourself, others are going to be ashamed of you too. People like us don't have a hell of a lot in this world right now. We need our self-respect."

Adam came over and sat down on the couch hesitantly, expecting a rejection. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

As I put my arm around his shoulder, the glow of the Imaging Chamber door heralded Al's arrival on the scene. I had a feeling down deep that it was almost the end of the line for this leap.

"You're right, Todd. I owe it to both of you, to be honest."

"You owe it to yourself," I told Adam.

"I think she's still awake, I'm going to tell her now, before I lose my nerve," he added. With a tight hug and an I love you, he left the room.

Al was watching Adam leave with a thoughtful expression on his face. I fingered the book I'd been reading, now kind of disappointed I wouldn't know how it turned out.

"Good book?" Al asked.

I looked up to find his eyes were on me now. "Yeah, you ought to check it out, Al. It's called _Mirror of my Soul_ , by Jay Richards."

"As in, the eyes are the mirrors of the soul?"

"I think so, I didn't get that far."

"You know a lot about that, don't you?" Al said quietly.

I contemplated his question. Yes, in my line of work, mirrors were important to me. But the only ones that really mattered, were Al's eyes. "Enough."

"What's it about?" he asked with casual interest.

"Read it and find out." I glanced in the direction of the bedroom, thought turning to Adam. There wasn't much time, but there were a lot of loose ends to tie up yet.

"By the way, did you get rid of that tape?" Al asked abruptly.

"Don't worry, I took care of it. Will they be all right, Al?"

He checked with the link and to my delight, smiled. "They sure will. Adam's mother comes to accept him, and Todd as his life-partner. Are you ready for this? She doesn't die of a stroke after all. Next year she meets a man who's a holistic doctor. He gets her to take better care of herself, improves her health. The two get married and she becomes Mrs. Nancy Barnes."

"Barnes? You mean..."

"She married Todd's widowed father."

"That's great," I grinned in satisfaction. "So all three of them do okay."

"Yeah." Al grimaced suddenly. "Todd...he got kind of paranoid in the Waiting Room. Thought we'd locked him up because he was gay. He'll be okay though, don't worry," he added at my alarmed look.

I shook my head sadly. "We still have a long way to go, don't we, Al?"

At that moment, Adam and his mother came out into the living room. "I have something to tell you, Mother," he began, looking at me. "And I want us to tell you together."

Al nodded in approval, as I smiled at Adam. Then I felt the tugging of another leap, pulling me away.

But home was still a long way to go.

 

**the end**

7/21/92

 

 

 

 


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